Do you ever get jealous?
So much so that you find yourself in a silent rage with nasty thoughts blaring through your mind? I’m not talking about envying your neighbor's Porsche or new shoes here. What I’m talking about is out and out jealousy. That negative emotion of biblical proportions. There's no mistaking this emotion and how harmful it is to your relationships. Like anger, it's one of the most difficult emotions to get a grip on, and like almost any negative emotion, it thrives on mental scenarios that have no solid basis in real life. Your imagination creates real feelings from false information, and, as a result, you become like a drama queen or king and begin to thrive on the resulting surge of emotion.
Jealousy can have devastating effects. I remember a true story about a young lady who was a skater and was very jealous of another skater who she thought was faster than her. Jealousy rose up so strong in her until she premeditated to take the other girl out of the competition. She actually took a metal pipe and broke that young girl’s knee; not only ruining the young girl’s skating career, but her own as well, as she had to pay for what she did. It is hard to fathom that someone would do something so dreadful, but jealousy does that to people. It’s so unfortunate but true. Jealousy most likely will lead you to a disastrous end. Remember the story of Cain and Abel in the Bible.
There's only one way to get rid of jealousy, and it has nothing to do with taking small steps, changing a little every day, or any of the gentle approaches that are successful in dealing with other negative emotions.
To deal with jealousy, you need to grab it and cut it out at the root! Jealousy will lie to you. It will tell you that you are being perfectly reasonable and that the fault lies entirely with the other person. It's only after one too many arguments or even fights that you start to realize you have a problem. Unfortunately, that may already have been too late. You may have severed a relationship forever, lost a job or broken your own heart.
Let's switch gears to discuss how to get rid of this thing. During a period of time when you are not feeling the emotion of jealousy, do a role reversal exercise. Imagine your partner is jealous of the time you spend with your pet, mother or best friend. How does that make you feel? It's not pleasant, is it? Bear in mind, that at this point, all they have done in your imaginary scene is portray symptoms of jealousy.
Now imagine them really getting angry at you, maybe shouting at you for ignoring them while you thoughtlessly gave your attention to someone else. Maybe you'll start to get a picture of how this scenario feels when they use jealousy against you. It actually feels like being a prisoner, not a valued partner.
By doing this, you begin to understand how your partner feels, but it's just the first step. You need to uncover the emotions that are at the heart of your insecurity. This takes courage.
What's vital here is not to feed the emotion - that means NOT being self-critical about experiencing it. Self-criticism is fuel to emotional fire and needs to be eliminated from the equation. While you're criticizing, you're too busy to be constructive.
Self-criticism, insecurity, and fear, are all at the heart of the issue. When you see yourself in a negative light, you see others as being better than you. For some people, your mind can't believe that your partner would choose you over someone else, and you secretly believe that they are going to leave you for someone else. Are you happy with feeling like that all the time? Of course not.
Sometimes part of the problem is that we attach great meaning to looks and expressions our partners use and when they innocently behave in a similar manner towards someone else, we attach our distorted meaning to this innocent look and then starts the jealousy.
Too often we turn our loved ones into a trigger for our happiness and rely on them to ‘make us’ happy. We blame them for our unhappiness and jealously, but really we are the ones who are insecure. By hanging our happiness on them, it's easy to get scared that it will be taken away from us. The answer is to realize that we need to make ourselves happy and start viewing our relationship as something outside of ourselves. We need to become more confident in our own skin, our own abilities, the real us. Once we do that, no one will be able to make us do anything. The victory lies within!
You can yank jealousy out of your being - I believe in you!
My free ebook will give you good tips to help with this - Take Back Your Power! Click here.